When I started getting active in the disabled gaming community it felt great. People would leave me a comment or send me a message about some tip I had given and thank me. "Thank you! I didn't know you could play this with only a mouse!" I started meeting more people because of it... people like me. Disabled.
Growing up I never really knew anyone else disabled. I went to Muscular Dystrophy Summer Camp through my teenage years and met some amazing people there but the problem here was that camp lasted 1 week. I would definitely make friends and have fun but in 5 days we all went separate ways until the next summer. So back home I'd go... the only disabled kid at my school trying not to be too different (basically just like everyone else was doing).
When I started meeting these people it felt like I was meeting kindred. Sure we might be polar opposites on interests or personalities but we had this one thing in common that I never had in common with anyone for longer than 5 days at a time. I felt like I was gaining comrades! In some of these connections I definitely have.
My circle started growing. As I met these people and my little piece of the internet was getting more known, I started participating in more community happenings. Mass online chats about disability topics where people share and discuss ways to change the world. This is where I went wrong. Don't I want to see changes? Ofcourse I do. My problem wasn't with all the topics or working on solutions but meeting a new breed of human... the advocate.
I met people who openly and passionately hated various words for disabled... including disabled. I met people who were purposely trying to use the... C word... (the only word in the disabled thesaurus that I can't tolerate) not because it was what they were comfy with, which I could understand, but basically only to make some kind of statement. I met people who were against things I enjoy. I met people who seemed offended about, well, everything. While I would see someone post something I disageed with & be like "ahhh, well, that's different", I would see these advocates correcting others opinions because the opinions weren't inline with popular advocacy beliefs.
I felt alienated. Did being disabled really mean I couldn't enjoy things "disabled"? Should I not like being represented in Hollywood by disabled people who are portrayed to struggle a bit... like me? Should I hate when a child asks why I'm in a wheelchair instead of proud they are learning about disabilities? Should I not (heaven forbid) like seeing wheelchairs in inspirational images because sometimes I DO need inspired myself? I was obviously being disabled completely wrong.
I've tried avoiding disability chats since then. I feel like I'm not a voice most want to hear, would relate to or respect the opinions of. I can see advocates just downright not liking me! So I'll roll back into my corner of the internet and keep writing my help guides for games. I'll speak up about the injustices that I expected the advocates to be fighting about like equal accessibility for all, a disability friendly job market, or the price tag of being disabled. I'll keep enjoying seeing disabilities on tv & relating to them. (Except during Glee... Artie, you never should've danced!. =P) And accept the cold hard fact that I'm just bad at being disabled;
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